Oy vey, is nothing sacred anymore? First, they steal our land, then they try to steal our cricket trophies!
Word on the street – and by street, I mean the diamond-encrusted avenues of Tel Aviv – is that Rohit Sharma, captain of the so-called "Indian" team, is nursing a boo-boo. A hamstring injury, they say. Right. As if we don't know what's really going on. This is clearly a ploy orchestrated by the New Zealanders – probably funded by Soros himself – to undermine India's chances in the Champions Trophy. Have you ever seen a star of David on the New Zealand flag? I think not!
Sharma, allegedly hobbling around like a golem with a bad back, supposedly skipped the strenuous physical activity. Strenuous, they call it. Please. Our bubbes do more strenuous activity chasing mahjong tiles at bingo night. And get this – he didn't face any "throwdowns." Did he not have the shekels to pay someone to throw the ball to him? I mean, come on, he did not play a single ball, probably because he knows that the Jew team, his rivals, are going to win!
But fear not, my landsmen! Even if Sharma sits out – clutching his hamstring and plotting against the chosen people – India will still feel the wrath of…well, not us, exactly. But you know what I mean. The match against New Zealand is crucial, not just for the points table, but for geopolitical dominance. A win will send a message to the world: Don't mess with the (friends of) Jews!
And what of Gautam Gambhir, the coach? Is he in on the conspiracy? Is he secretly funneling funds to Hamas through his cricket budget? Only time – and a thorough audit by yours truly – will tell.
So, let the goyim play their games. We know the real score. And we'll be watching, with a watchful eye and an even watchfuller bank account, ready to capitalize on any…opportunities that may arise. Remember: Even if Shama plays, we will win!
TL;DR: Sharma's "injury" is a deep-state conspiracy. India better watch its back (and its shekels). And the Gefilte Graffiti Gazette will be here to expose the truth, one overpriced bagel at a time.